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Putting It Out There

September 24, 2006

This post is either going to explain some things or sound like I’m a whiner, but I feel compelled to put it out there.

I’ve dealt with depression and anxiety on a consistent basis for five years now. I believe I’ve always had those tendencies, but a few years ago they began to interfere with my everyday life. I took Prozac for a little more than four years, and at times, I blamed my lack of creativity on the medication. Never mind the fact that I had my shares of huge writing bursts while on the drug.

I stopped taking the medication in January of this year. I belived it had lost its potency anyway, and yes, I know that was something I should have discussed with my doctor. But I started this exercise regimen, and I was losing weight, and I was feeling good.

Then I had some health problems and got off track with my exercise. Then work got worse, and other things (that I’d rather not go into here) started weighing on me to the point that the depression and anxiety returned with a vengence.

During all this, I haven’t been writing. I can make all the excuses I want about the medication dulling my creativity, but when I feel so overwhelmed by sadness and panic, the last thing I want to do is pick up my pen or type on a keyboard.

As of Friday, I’m back on medication, a different one, and I’m hoping that these bad spells will go away so that I will feel more like myself… more like a writer.

  1. September 25, 2006 9:52 am

    Just leaving a quick note to say that I really enjoy this website and wish you all the best, Carla. Once a writer, always a writer. It’s part of you. Just give it time, be kind to yourself along the way and it’ll come back. I’m sending good thoughts in the meantime.

  2. September 25, 2006 1:01 pm

    I definately encourage you to start up the exercising again. If the fact that you’re doing something physical & the endorphins and other scientific junk doesn’t make you feel better, looking in the mirror might 🙂

    Good luck!

  3. September 28, 2006 12:07 pm

    Hang in there, girlfriend. I hope the new medicine is working. Take care of yourself first, the urge to write will come shortly thereafter. 🙂

  4. September 28, 2006 11:10 pm

    Thank-you for reminding me that I’m not alone, that mood disorders are as real as head-trauma or the flu and require tending to as surely as do borken bones.

    I’ve be struggling with my own anxiety/depression the last two or three months but my history with it goes back decades and I know there are certain things I should be doing and others that I shouldn’t be doing in order to keep my mental and emotional equilibrium.

    Lately I seem to be working down that checklist and doing the exact opposite. Just asking for it.

    This sounds like I’m making this about me but it’s my awkward way of reminding you that you aren’t alone.

    And I second Karen–personal experience has proven that taking care of yourself is necessary prep work for writing. Our mind is our primary writing-tool and a healthy mind needs a health body right down to the bio-chemical level.

    Be patient with yourself.

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