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My 2010 Anti-Resolutions

December 29, 2009

It’s time get the year off to a creative start—and make some resolutions you’ll actually keep in the process.

The rules are simple:

  • List ten things you resolve not to do in the upcoming year.
  • Be as creative as possible.

To get thing rolling, here are…

My 2010 New Year’s Anti-Resolutions

  • I will not free up room to take in borders by convincing my kids to sleep in more “convenient” places—like the oven or bathtub.
  • I will not try to spice up the Winter Olympics in my house, by convincing each family member that they were adopted from various cold-weather countries.
  • I will not open job interviews by asking if I should have listed my RockBand Drum skills on my resume.
  • I will not try to push day-glo sombreros as the next fashion trend.
  • I will not hang around the seafood section of the grocery store trying to convince the patrons to throw their “catches” back.
  • I will not attempt to create balance in the universe by making only left hand turns.
  • I will not try to addict my kids to crystal-meth in order to take wagers on who can resist the longest.
  • I will not try use my old boxer shorts as material for a “more interesting” type of quilt.
  • I will not try to become famous by faking an Easter Bunny sighting by supplying a fake pelt as evidence.
  • I will not use the ridiculous number of Slurpees I buy Jeni as justification to initiate a hostile takeover of the nearby convenience store.

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Dale learned his lesson last year, and will ring in THIS new year with every good luck tradition he can scrounge together.
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12 Comments
  1. adampb permalink
    December 29, 2009 2:48 am

    * I will not use strawberry-iced, sprinkle-encrusted doughnuts as either comfort food or a substitute Muse.
    * I will not refer to our children as the “spawn of Satan” in front of my wife.
    * I will not take an interest in the Winter Olympics because where I come from, sun, surf and sand are the religion. Hence we run and swim well and that’s about it. Except that one of our guys won gold in speed skating because everyone else fell over, and that sums up our attitude to cold sports.
    * I will not be upset by the “Back to School” sale catalogues in my letterbox at the beginning of January when I have four more glorious weeks of holidays
    * I will not let the interweb suck away my creativity and make me a slothful individual who is unable to…
    * I will not stop laughing whenever someone passes wind
    * I will not let my underwear become an object of derision and mockery.
    * I will not succumb to the trend of waxing, primping, preening, sculpting every square inch of the male body. God intended for us to be in shape. Round is a shape.
    * I will not call a strawberry-iced, sprinkle-encrusted doughnut and a fizzy caffeine-enhanced, temperature-decreased beverage a “balanced breakfast”
    * I will not stop eating strawberry-iced, sprinkle-encrusted doughnuts.

  2. December 29, 2009 6:40 am

    *wipes tears from her eyes* oh Adam and Dale, you’ve made my day…..I can’t place which is my favourite…

  3. December 29, 2009 10:24 am

    Those are sound ideas, all the way around.

  4. December 29, 2009 10:41 am

    I confess, these are my favorite posts.

    And Dale, that graphic ROCKS.

  5. December 29, 2009 12:03 pm

    I love this – I had to play along on my blog!

  6. December 29, 2009 1:33 pm

    Hello Everyone,
    Here is the link to my New Year’s Anti-Resolutions! and I think I might have gotten a little carried away with the things that I’d said in my post. But I want to wish you all a Happy New Year and remind you to Enjoy Life!
     
    Thanks for the great writing prompt Dale!

  7. December 29, 2009 1:50 pm

    Too funny, I am going to do the same. Lmao!

  8. December 29, 2009 5:50 pm

    I had more than a good giggle about it Dale and Adam’s posts – and chuffed to see you’re an Aussie Adam.

    I always stumble over my ant-resolutions, given you are the master Dale. I’m looking forward to sharing mine in February – as I continue on my quest to be out of step with the rest of the world…

  9. adampb permalink
    December 30, 2009 5:29 am

    This might be a good companion manifesto to make me elected as Prime Minister of Australia (http://adampb.wordpress.com/2008/08/11/when-i-become-prime-minister/)

  10. Rya Sanders permalink
    December 31, 2009 2:39 pm

    *I will not schedule my brother for an annual veterinarian checkup simply to prove that he was secretly raised by a pack of savage wolves.

    *I will not sue the Goldfish Company because of my utter disappointment when I discovered that some of their snacks do not smile back.

    *I will not track down Taylor Lautner, throw pebbles at his window, and/or kidnap him; he’ll simply have to figure out for himself that I’m the one.

    *I will not criticize the twilight series in an attempt to explain how the Harry Potter series is completely amazing. It is by far the perfect epitome of the greatest series ever written in the history of mankind—yes, I’m a fan.

    *I will not act as if I can cook like a gourmet chef while entertaining guests. Canned goods, cereal, and grilled cheese never fool anyone; on the contrary, I cannot act.

    *I will not tell my little brother that God’s “cookie cutter” broke while creating mankind in an effort to explain the Ayurvedic body-typing system and why we are all different.

    *I will not abuse the privilege of the fire alarm in order to gain more time to use the family bathroom in the morning.

    *I will not make a fuss if I am stopped at an airport for smuggling Traditional Korean weapons for Martial Arts out of the country—fortunately; I haven’t been detected…yet.

    *I will not endeavor to get Santa Claus locked up for breaking and entering my home via chimney—I’m on the nice list,

    *I will refrain from opening a Boutique called Plastic Emporium in NYC selling merchandise made of 100 percent recycled plastics—such as accessories, clothes, Tupperware, food, and even cosmetic surgery—in an effort to prove that it is possible to live, look, and feel like Barbie.

    *I will not create a mischievous plan with the ultimate result of savoring the sweet tastes of wine and numerous cheeses with Tim Gunn while talking about fashion in Paris; although, I am a criminal mastermind.

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