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Last Day of 2009

December 31, 2009

Today is officially the last day of the year 2009. Some people are pulling out the party hats, hanging streamers and balloons, and maybe setting up some fireworks. Of course, I can’t leave out the resolutions. I always make a few for the year and rarely ever keep them. So, I’m joining in the fun (as I hope you will to) and flipping the switch. Here are my anti-resolutions for the year 2010:

  • I will not fall in to the pit of social peer pressure or rejoice in the fad of jumping off of bridges for the sport of it.
  • I will not hire a man name Frankie Knuckles to retrieve the money my brother borrowed and refused to pay back.
  • I will not reconsider hiring Frankie Knuckles every time my brother talks his way back in to our house after being too lazy to live with yet another one of his friends.
  • I will not toss my 100 + book collection out the window to free up shelf space for my Precious Moments shrine.
  • I will not purchase a baseball bat via the internet to teach some people the vital lesson of noise pollution.
  • I will not stalk every yard sale in the city in an effort to find the prize object which will bring the annoyance and aggravation of a ghost moocher to  my home just to have something personal to blog about.
  • I will not indulge in the simple mindedness of our neighbors who are banking on our dachshund impregnating theirs for their monetary pleasure.
  • I will not develop a marketing plan to sell our nine feet of snow to those few who have never seen a flake of it.
  • I will not indulge in tweeting every nanosecond of my new desk chairs existence for the mere fact he’s just not that in to me and is here against his will.
  • I will not contemplate world domination just to prove to the Brain how four seasons of partnership with Pinky hurt his chances for success.
Andrea wishes her non-resolutions will come true in 2010 but is not holding out hope for it. Happy New Year!
  1. Rya Sanders permalink
    December 31, 2009 2:52 pm

    Hi Andrea,
    Your Anti-Resolutions were very clever!
    I commented this on Dale’s post also, but here are 11 of my Anti-Resolutions:
    *I will not schedule my brother for an annual veterinarian checkup simply to prove that he was secretly raised by a pack of savage wolves.

    *I will not sue the Goldfish Company because of my utter disappointment when I discovered that some of their snacks do not smile back.

    *I will not track down Taylor Lautner, throw pebbles at his window, and/or kidnap him; he’ll simply have to figure out for himself that I’m the one.

    *I will not criticize the twilight series in an attempt to explain how the Harry Potter series is completely amazing. It is by far the perfect epitome of the greatest series ever written in the history of mankind—yes, I’m a fan.

    *I will not act as if I can cook like a gourmet chef while entertaining guests. Canned goods, cereal, and grilled cheese never fool anyone; on the contrary, I cannot act.

    *I will not tell my little brother that God’s “cookie cutter” broke while creating mankind in an effort to explain the Ayurvedic body-typing system and why we are all different.

    *I will not abuse the privilege of the fire alarm in order to gain more time to use the family bathroom in the morning.

    *I will not make a fuss if I am stopped at an airport for smuggling Traditional Korean weapons for Martial Arts out of the country—fortunately; I haven’t been detected…yet.

    *I will not endeavor to get Santa Claus locked up for breaking and entering my home via the chimney—I’m on the nice list,

    *I will refrain from opening a Boutique called Plastic Emporium in NYC selling merchandise made of 100 percent recycled plastics—such as accessories, clothes, Tupperware, food, and even cosmetic surgery—in an effort to prove that it is possible to live, look, and feel like Barbie.

    *I will not create a mischievous plan with the ultimate result of savoring the sweet tastes of wine and numerous cheeses with Tim Gunn while talking about fashion in Paris; although, I am a criminal mastermind.

  2. December 31, 2009 8:05 pm

    Ha! I like the first one. I too have thought about making a veterinarian appointment for my brother. As primal as he acts, he must have been raised by wolves or something.

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