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2009 New Year’s Anti Resolutions

December 30, 2008

I know it’s not quite the new year yet, but as it’s my last post of 2008 I thought it a good time for my annual New Year’s Anti-Resolutions.

These are really more of a writing exercise than real resolutions—a way to get the new year off to a creative start. Although, if you do it right, these resolutions should be a breeze to keep.

The rules are simple:

  • List ten things you resolve not to do in the upcoming year.
  • Be as creative as possible.
  • Post them on your blog and leave a link in your comment below.

To get thing rolling, here are…

My 2009 New Year’s Anti-Resolutions

  1. I will not get my kids hooked on coffee in an attempt to keep them little by stunting their growth.
  2. I will not post my daughter in a fake auction on eBay, just to see how much I could get for her.
  3. I will not go to the library and put misleading, handwritten notes in the margins of books to throw off other researchers.
  4. I will not propagate an internet hoax alleging that our new president’s speeches contain secret advertising messages sold to US companies as a way to help fight the recession.
  5. I will not try to convince my kids to punch up their essays for school through liberal use of the elusive seventh vowel.
  6. I will not advocate the use of disposable batteries to create home electroshock therapy kits.
  7. I will not subject the world to the recipe for tofu chip cookies.
  8. I will not preach belief in the ancient Norse Gods as a way to return to Family Values.
  9. I will not teach my six-year-old how to play craps so that he can hustle his classmates to supplement his lunch allowance.
  10. I will not fake disturbing conversations over my Bluetooth headset in public, as a way of determining who is eavesdropping.
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5 Comments
  1. December 30, 2008 3:53 pm

    Hello Everyone, Here’s the link to my: New Year’s Anti-Resolutions!
     
    Happy New Year and Enjoy Life!

  2. January 2, 2009 9:13 pm

    I will not use the bar mix in the sink in order to mush up the vomit from the party……there is a story in that and sadly its true… might have to write it… he he!!

  3. January 3, 2009 8:40 am

    well – here is my efforts!
    Annie On Writing

  4. January 3, 2009 11:18 am

    I will not advocate the use of disposable batteries to create home electroshock therapy kits.” Dang – I had plans to do that this year!

    Here are my anti-resolutions:
    My Muse and Me

  5. January 3, 2009 12:16 pm

    I’ve posted my ten – it’s going to be tough sticking to them…

    http://www.paulanderson.org.uk/2009_01_01_archive.htm#8309413627042582105

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