Jodi’s Anti-Resolutions for the ’10 Creative Year

In the first week of January both Dale and Annie let it rip with their list of anti-resolutions for 2010 (a tradition here at Write Anything.) With my creative year bursting through the gates yesterday, as promised, here is my list of things you won’t catch me doing this year.

• I will not stick a tiny cut out of my face on the front cover of Times’ 100 Most Influential People in the vain attempt to believe I am a mover and shaker in world affairs.
  

  Donna Wilson chocolate cake tea cosy

• I will not assume stewardship of Australia’s health department, in lieu of Ms Roxon’s complete bollixing of the legislation shaping homebirth choices and make homebirth a viable option for all women who want it. I will however take the opportunity again to sit in the parliamentary chamber bleachers in a pro-homebirth t-shirt and look Mr Rudd in the eye.

• I will not stop believing tea and chocolate are suitable substitutes for a) regular meals or b) sleep.

• I will not scratch out my old email address on business cards and consider it a suitable substitute for investing in new ones.

• I will not finish hemming and hanging the new curtains for my creative space – they’ve waited two years, they can wait at least another. Hanging them up will just fade the material and hasten their untimely demise.

• I will not submit to the torture of a Gillian Michaels’ DVD in the deluded anticipation of losing 10 kilos in 30 days. I enjoy living in a body which does not scream at the merest of movement – I’m old enough now to know its comfort that really matter. And if said torture was to occur, I would never enjoy the cheers from five year old son on the sidelines doing a better job at it than me.

• I will not get a little tingle of anticipation when I walk through my son’s school grounds. I will remember how poorly the Dept of Education in Queensland pays teachers’ aides and be grateful for what I earn as a writer.

• I will not burn the next door neighbour’s house down just so I can observe it burning, the emergency response and the emotional fall out, just so I can later write a story about it.

• I will not do the ‘a toilet door, a day, for a year’ challenge, whereby every day I take my thick black marker and write on a public toilet door ‘for a good time call…’ giving out random friends’ mobile numbers.

• I will not twitter lies about myself, even under the auspice of ‘creative license’ or because it might be cool to do so. Whispers will be completely appropriate though.

• I will not go to a packed movie theatre and make inappropriate noises in crucial scenes. I will however take my son and let him do it.

• I will not play the Twilight Soundtrack over and over and over again on my iPod. The Twilight Soundtrack is now ‘so last year’ and therefore another suitable soundtrack can be found to write to.

• I will not watch the David Tennant/Catherine Tate skit over and over again as a substitute for Gillian Michaels’ exercise DVDs for toning abdominal muscles.

Jodi Cleghorn admits that, yes, she was seen around Facebook on the weekend with her head on Rachel Welch’s body – all in the name of a virtual  spaceship party. It was all part of the madness which was the kick-off for Chinese Whisperings 2010 anthology. ‘Be-Fan’ Jodi on Facebook or check out the new look CW website.